Alright, days 1 and 2 of my trip have been amazing. Boston kicks ass in so many ways. This is a quick jot down but here goes:

1. No smoking in any public area
2. Huge city always something to do
3. Air, land and sea all in one view, amazing!
4. Sox and Celts, notta sports fan but the environment is very fun
5. Newberry street, way too expensive, but fun to walk around at
6. Strange Euro shops and a great bakery right next to Nate's house

Alright, that is enough for now.

I am going to post some photos on facebook instead of here, it takes less time!

Going to the beach now and possibly gay pride parade! whale watch tonight!

i didn't mean to kill it. it flew in front of me. i hit it and it exploded. literally. it was so bizarre.






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gabriel called me yesterday. it was nice to hear his english accent. it is new but i like it. i like how he absorbs the english of others since it isn't his first language. when i first met him he sounded australian because he lived there for 2 years. i miss him and maybe if he learns to brush his teeth on a twice-a-day basis and not wear brut deo we might could get somewhere. how shallow am i? he is terrific and terribly handsome but i can't see past the hygiene. i could never be in the peace corps. i don't feel like capitalizing 'i'. i need to do my workout that i 'oh so love'. i am sore though and i don't want to do it. haha.

Alright, I will be the first to admit... I am a DVD workout junkie :(. That is the only kind of work out I will do other than ride my bike. I just got a new one in and it was freaking amazing!!!!!! I felt like I was in dance classes all over again. You have to have a lot of coordination for this one and it felt like home. Anyway... I love how on Amazon you can rate the things you buy and create your "pen name" I am Zsófia from Budapest, Hungary, also known as "Sophie". It feels great to pretend sometimes.

I am upset because we can't find an English version or even a French version or any other language version w/ English sub titles to 4 months, 3 weeks, and 2 days. I want to see it so bad. It is set in communist Romania 1980s. This girl gets pregnant and has an illegal abortion with the help of her college mate. The dictator (not that cool, don't know his name) wouldn't allow abortions because he thought the larger the population the more power Romania would have, or at least aid from other countries. Central/almost Eastern Europe fascinates me so much. It is so strange to think that Gabriel lived in communist Hungary until he was 9. It is also strange to think that his parents lived under communist rule the majority of their lives. I wish I could have talked to his parents more. Their English was so limited and my Hungarian was only a few phrases. I also didn't know any German or I could've talked to his dad. His dad is a genius. Gabriel is just like me the youngest of the family that finds it hard to retain any information. Ha.

I hate my job yet I am doing things like this instead of looking for a new one. I suppose a job is just a job to me because I can't see past not wanting to be in the states. I am going to do it...whether it is this December or next I am moving to Australia unless I learn enough Spanish to get me to Buenos Aires, Argentina. I just asked my mom to go with me... she said she would think about it. Haha. I would love for it to happen. Oh no computer dying...gtg.

I went to see Tapes 'n Tapes on Wednesday for the second time. I still like The Loon better than Walk it Off but Walk it Off will eventually grow on me I am sure. So here are a few highlights:

* Went with my friend Ross who is really becoming a great friend. We have lots of the same music taste and he is very nice. The best thing about him, he isn't lazy. He is really up for whatever/whenever

* Ross and I met my friend Josh there. It is cool to see Josh because we have a book club together and don't actually see each other that often.

* Erik broke a string for the first time since the start of the tour. Josh said he hoped he didn't break a string because they would have the same style guitars and no one likes twinkies. Ha. Shortly after Josh broke a string.

* When Josh was getting his other guitar Matt tried to make idle conversation (matt is the love of my life for real, ha). He asked if anyone had any questions or comments about pretty much anything. Some jackass had the nerve to ask them to cover a few Neutral Milk Hotel songs. Lame.

* Someone asked Matt his fav Beatle and he forwarded this question onto Jeremy who in turn said George. Matt then asked the crowd for their fav Backstreet Boy. Then he proceeded to name everyone in The Backstreet Boys and NSynch. He is too cute <3!

* Omaha is still my fav one they do live. They pre record the keys and some of the drums and Matt plays the euph live. I just read an interview w/ Matt that said Omaha is kind of a joke because of all the Sattle Creek Kids loving Omaha. They were at a yeah yeah yeahs show and those kids were going crazy about Omaha, anyway....still a good song.

* I don't know why I do cheesy things like this but I got the set list. I didn't ask, they walked off stage so I leaned on stage and got Matt's list. Everyone else was asking Josh for his but he for some strange reason took it with him. Some guy called me a bitch for getting Matt's. It made me mad because that doesn't make me a bitch. It does, however, mean that he was too dumb and fat to lean up there and get Matt's himself.


That is all I suppose. More to come about life in general at a later date.

Set List:

Jakon
GM
Ruse
Time
Conquest
Head
Blunt
Drums
Toba
Cowbell
10
Houston
Ohmaha
Lines
Dirty
Insistor
Hang
Demons

So I felt more passionate about this quote last night than I do today but I will post it anyway. I found a pocket book of quotations under my bed last night that has made me very happy.

Also, to deal with the horrible shit going on at work I made myself a picture album for my desk that has photos that make me happy. These include times when I was happy even if the person in the photo is never to be seen again. It lets me know that hey, I will be happy again!

QOD: Love is the business of the idle, but the idleness of the busy.

- Bulwer-Lytton, Rienzi

I would say it is business for me. Perhaps that is why I feel I fail so often. Business usually keeps you busy thus probability of failing is higher. I wish it was my idleness. Sometimes it is but as of late it has been business. I am tired of business in every way.

This week Emma and I have been in ATL for work. I am here until tomorrow. Tomorrow we have a show that I am not that excited about. Hopefully it will pass by quickly.

Sunday- Woke up worked out, left for ATL, got to ATL and worked out again

Mon- Small show in Rollins Research Building, pretty good traffic. Visited two Operon clients. Monday night we went to the Sundial to eat. It is the highest building in ATL and it rotates on top so you can see the entire city. The food was kinda crappy and service was as well. The view wasn't that great bc of the Fog and Tornado damage. We did make the best out of it and had a pretty alright time.

Tues- Cold calls all day, not too fun, very nerve racking. Tuesday afternoon/night we went to L5P. I bought $160 worth of clothes/accessories. Shame on me! However the blue vintage dress I bought is beautiful! The neckline is amazing and fits my boobs just right! Woohoo! We then went to the Sweet Lime to eat. We proceeded to drink a little too much. I spilled my drink on Emma, it was very embarrassing! That was more of me being clumsy than drunk but they guys beside us thought I was trashed. They called their friends and told them that two cute girls were a little drunk and we were all having a good time so they should come hang out. We left shortly after, Emma was okay to drive... I wasn't. I must admit, those were the strongest 3 Martinis I have ever had! We had a blast though. She and I are peas in a pod. I hope she doesn't leave me but chances are she has another job :(. We like the genre of same things but not exactly so we help broaden each other's horizon...which is amazing!

Today- Went to Yerkes Primate Center. It was on lockdown! It was pretty amazing, they have over 3,200 primates. They are giving most of them aids but it was still really neat. We had lunch with a lab that does a lot of business with us but I was shy so Emma talked most of the time. After that we went to the Aquarium... I must admit, I was a little disappointed. I mean it is supposed to be the biggest in the world but it didn't feel that way. Chatt's felt much bigger. I did see a Beluga Whale though and get to touch a shark. I want a shark skin couch. Anyway after the Aquarium we decided we wanted junk food and attempted to go to Hard Rock Cafe (gag, I know) but it was reserved for a party so we ended up at Dungaroos or some strange place. The food and service sucked. Atl is kinda a bummer place to be if you didn't have good company. After that we walked around Centennial Park and watched a Jazz band play for "Wednesday WindDown". It was pretty amazing, the bass was soooo groovy. I danced for the few minutes we saw before it was over. If only we had seen the whole show! Needless to say we were a few of the only people without color in the crowd. It was very fun! Now I am in my hotel room about to work out for the second time today. One more month before I am in a bathing suit, yikes.

BTW, I am mad at Dolly for letting American Idol perform her songs. What was she thinking? Come on Dolly!!!!

I have been mean to love in various ways. I am alone in every aspect. I am sure someone will stumble across this and smile. I have no friends and very little family. I have disappointed everyone (minus my family) and most importantly myself. Why couldn't I just pick one and be happy? They all seemed to love me so much? What am I searching for? Why am I all of a sudden a shy girl that prefers to not talk to anyone? Why does everything feel so forced. I feel like I put so much effort into everything. Will I ever get to relax again?

I wonder with my new self if I will ever move away from North Alabama? I am afraid if I move I will be lonely and not just the normal lonely but the kind that turns you to antidepressants. Then I will not be happy. What am I looking for? Who am I looking for? What keeps going wrong?!

I need to learn to be content alone. As a child I was. I should learn to do it again.

And to think, all of this emotion came from attending a wedding. How selfish am I? I am happy for Abria and Mel, they seem perfect together. I am however sad for myself. What happen to my charm and appeal? Where did all of that go? No one will ever approach me anymore. I know I am not mean and I smile. I think I look approachable. I don't understand.

I am going to finish my book and let it take me to my former life. I believe I was Jewish once.

Last night I picked out a beautiful outfit for today...let me tell about it. I bought a new white dress at Forever 21, it has a flower on the left side, sleeveless, and made out of a silky but matte finish material. I also bought a bright red coat from Forever 21, it has the big buttons and is a wool like material. I decide to put a gray turtleneck under the dress, seeing it is cold and all, then wear black tights, and lastly my favorite gray boots. I chose my jewelry very carefully and decided on a necklace that had a pink heart in the middle and two silver ones on either side. I got out my black pearls, it helped the tights, and black watch. Lastly, to add a touch of Gwen, i placed a pink lace slip just barely visible under the bottom of the white dress. Let me tell you, I felt like ME in this outfit. It was nice to see me in the mirror and feel normal in the not so normal way.

I woke up this morning, put on jeans, a black shirt, the boots, and the red coat. Why put all that effort into nothing? why feel like me and dress to the nines with no one to notice? So I didn't. I was in normal jeans work wear. No one noticed the red coat, minus one lady. Abria noticed my heart earrings and necklace. That was it. I went to Ambers, ate junk food and watched a terrible movie. Don't get me wrong, I had much rather spend my Valentines with her than most people in this world. I was just sad I didn't get to wear my outfit and feel noticed and pretty.

I also bought you a valentimes day present. I have no idea why, I will never give it to you. I find myself doing things like that at the most inopportune times. Silly me. As cheesy as it is, you are the song I know... thank you Hawthorne Heights (yes please puke now).

I half expected my dad to call today...he didn't. Oh, on a bright note; yesterday Coriamber received an anonymous flower on her desk and I proclaimed how stupid it was because she was married and I won't get a flower! Jimmy walked by at this time and said "Kim, do you want me to bring you a flower?" And I said "YES, it's not fair". Low and behold, he actually brought me a carnation claiming to be a man of his word. No ideas here though, we aren't compatible, he has asked me and every other girl his age in our workplace out. One of "those" if you know what I mean. Still though, it was a nice gesture and at least I didn't leave the day empty handed. Cindy, a nice lady at work, also brought me a card and candy... so did a girl named Hayley. I suppose all and all it wasn't too bad. It's just a tough day because I can remember almost all valentines days, not birthdays, not christmas, but vday...yes. No need to divulge in those memories. Its 1014 for goodness sake! I must go to bed. Thank goodness tomorrow is Friday. It will be nice to have a weekend off!!!!!

i really like it here. those mountains are fab, i can hardly believe them. they sneak up from you only from one side. i almost feel like they follow me like they are out to get me. like in the movies, someone is inside the garbage can following some person and every time the person turns around the can is the same distance behind everytime. yeah, that is my take on it.

the capitol building is beautiful. but it's a big,huge,warm,empty building and a homeless man is sitting outside. he was playing the harmonica, i am a sucker for it. i wanted to put him in my pocket and take him home. poor old guy. this is the mormon state, why is there a single homeless person here? i don't understand it at all. i gotta do something to help. it is just burning really.

i was watching the jazz play thinking about the homeless guy and his dog outside the building. i would venture to say people forgot about him before they were 10 feet away. i just can't do it. i can't forget those people. i can forget the commercials about what my penny a day will do and everything else but not those that cannot afford a roof over their head. i know some people put themselves in the position but it's just something no one deserves. even criminals have shelter, food, and the basic needs of life. i also can't handle old people being in this condition, they have paid their dues for "this country". i want a career path based on helping these conditions... i wish i had a million dollars. i wish i could walk up to someone and say here is your free pass. here is a house, here is a car, here is a job and this is your turn again.

i am not sure that rant belonged in this post because i want to say how much fun i have had. amber, my new co worker, is pretty cool. i didn't know about her till this trip but we get along just fine. it has been great to see justin, poor thing has not had a visitor the whole time he has been here and that counts coming home from iraq twice. i cant help but hold a grudge against his parents for not being here when he came home. he has been excited to show me around and i am happy i could be here for it. he showed me his base and the machines he works on. it looks pretty complicated. he hasnt told his family that he resigned. after hearing his reasoning about actually liking his job, i wasn't upset. however, he has to go back to iraq again in may. i thought the airforce didn't have to do that as often but this is his thrid trip. well one of them was volunteer to keep a coworker that was expecting his first child from having to go. so i guess only twice by force. anywho, it's been great to see his world. my job is good for something.

i dont like to complain about my job on here bc it is engraved in my mind at all times so no need to write it down but it's not going so great. today was very slow at the tradeshow...hardly any potential clients. such a waste of money and time for our company. plus i know amber is watching me to report back to mwg folks about how much i know. i am being so shy because jeff, this big mouthed sales rep for us, is stealing the show. i cant fight with someone for attention from a customer, seems pointless. he is one of those that likes to hear himself talk. oh well, that is IT, not saying another word.

i am ready to be home, i miss my bed and time zone. all this traveling has put me off kilter so to say and things just don't feel right... however it has provided perspective. i am going to read through a book that will tell me what career fits me. i know a lot of those things are bogus but i am hoping for the best. i gotta decide by september, hopefully earlier but doubtful... what i am doing with me.

i need to get in bed, well to sleep anyway.

oh oh suppose you'll never know....

1sts

* Plane Trip
* Time to see the Capitol
* Time to drink in front of my family
* Trip to White Water
* "Triple play" **wink wink** Amber!
* Trip to Europe
* Real Job
* Degree before 23!
* Functional digital camera
* Camp out at Circuit City for this Lap Top
* 5 month span with no kisses or affection since I was 16
* Time moving back into my mom's place
* Feeling completely anti social
* Crush on a 42 year old man (completely innocent, i swear)
* Time to work over 40 hours, held down 2 jobs (Pottery Barn and Operon)
* Feeling that I partially control where I want to live in the future
* International experience (szeretlek magyar)
* Time to see Willie Nelson
* Meeting one of my "people" Kari Byron!
* and last bikini wax, ouch!!!


2nds

Tim Returns after a hiatus
Feeling less than adequate because of the male sex (jeremy)
Cruise to the bahamas

Other

Breaking up with the longest relationship since high school, still feeling the aftershock

Telling my beloved Aunt Jewel and Paw Paw Buddy goodbye

Haven't seen my grandfather in a year now

Haven't talked to my dad since July (before my trip)

Mom really is sick, I am still denying it

Letting Barry go, no lingering friendship or "what ifs" left from something I learned so much and lost so much

Watching a friend lose a parent and feeling terrified

Lost 15 pounds this year, I actually held the lose weight thing from New Years 07

Letting go of the life I had lived for 2 years, and by that I mean not determining someones worth by their music preference, style of clothing, or philosophies

I lost a lot of "friends" this year. I guess you consider them friends. I haven't really heard from anyone since I moved but I don't feel great despair.

REALLY having my feelings hurt at a close friend (Ash)

Realizing that distance doesn't break up some relationships, Missy

Finally seeing a good movie for 07- Juno!




2008 Wishes

To feel free, really free... to possess the ability to say whatever I want to say and not have to hide or answer to anything/anyone

I am my own person, me. . . flaws and imperfections and I need to understand that and accept it

Figure out what path I am going to chose as far as love, education, and career goes

Go to the Beach, not a cruise, just a beach and lay there for hours. Read until my eyes fall out and laugh the night away.

Get back on track with reading. Sadly the last book I read was Dracula and I finished that in October. Working 60 hours a week really turns a life into a strict routine. Sleep, work, eat, repeat.

I need to stop being such a negative nancy, people like positive polly not negative nancy.

Visit a big city, Chicago, San Fran, New York... if only for a weekend.

Have the ability to help the fam out some financially





P.S. This presidential race is making me nervous. Obama rubs me the wrong way, Edwards doesn't have a chance... I am fairly okay with Clinton and would chose McCain out of the Republicans. Am I going to stay up to see the results... probably (i need the sleep though)